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I only smile because I'm told I have to , not because I want to.

January 26th, 2010

(no subject) @ 11:24 pm

             so back after mike hit me i decided to give him another shot at being friends again...
yeah well he just fucked that up BIG TIME....him and my best friend cj are fighting big time...(cj fights with like the world always)
so me and like 7 of my friends arranged to meet at the tennis courts tomorrow right after our midterms to work this shit out ...(the tennis courts is where we always go if we need help with anything...we always call each other and just assume the tennis courts) and mike goes "well samm i am not going to let the other 2 girls just go and get yelled at"....so i went to mike and was like "dude so its alright for you to fucking scream at me and then fucking raise your hands to me? something cj would never do a day in his life ...he was raised better then that" (cj was raised by both my family and his....just like i was raised by his and mine....we are like that close) but mike ofcourse has to make rules that only apply to others and not himself....so tomorrow its now only me and mike and cj and 1 of the girls named amber going to the courts tomorrow to talk....these fucking people have no idea what to do with their lives except to start and get involved with drama....
       i personally want to go back to my old friends that were big into drugs and doing shit things....i like miss them...because with them there was no drama....if you had a problem with someone you came out and said it to their face and things were settled right there at that moment...there was no talking behind someones back and starting shit...if you did that you would have the shit beat outa you and that would end everything and you would go back to loving each other the next second....ofcourse i tried to seperate myself from them because i didnt want to see my life going down the road it was headed (i used a shitload of different drugs in my 15 years ) but the group of people im hanging out with now make me miss my druggy friends SOOOO god damn much....tomorrow night at 9 i am going out with some of my old friends and we are going "behind the stores" which is basically a spot behind a big shopping center and there are like woods and creaks you have to cross and its basically just where all the burn outs of my town hang out...but those people are the most genuine people on the face of this earth and i miss them SOOOO MUCH....i would die for those people....i think i am just going to start hanging with them again and then just tell them i dont wanna use.....maybe just pot once in a while but no more cigs or anything because dance and tennis means to much to me for me to start smoking.....
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I only smile because I'm told I have to , not because I want to.